After reading another Blog post this morning it really inspired me to do this. As boring as it may be I feel the need to let it all out!
Like many people I am sure, I feel so overwhelmed with life. We all have things we keep private but for the most part I am an open book. I mention a little about myself under the page titled “my crazy self” but there is so much more I need to vent about. Isn’t that what blogs are for? ha ha
I never hide my age for one. Do I wish I could go back a few years? Of course – who doesn’t, but we all know that can’t happen so we might as well learn from mistakes and move forward. I am 38 years old and will be 39 in June. I will look at 40 as the new 20. However there are some days I wish I could actually fast forward to retirement age – 🙂 My kids will be 16 and 12 this year. I spent the majority of their childhood getting my Bachelor’s degree online. I was on my computer from 8 a.m. to midnight nearly every night for 5 years and that is when I wasn’t at work. I REALLY regret that. Not that I went to school but that I basically dedicated too much time on it and not enough with my kids when they actually wanted me to be involved. Now they are to the age where they tell me “quit treating me like I am 5” which I probably do because I have guilt and I missed the opportunity to do so many fun and memorable things with them. My kids are my life and if that is one thing I could do over, it would be to spend MUCH MORE quality time with them and forget about everything else because we all know how fast they grow up. Thankfully I believe they still love me, I still get hugs and kisses, and they have turned out to be caring and respectable kids (although not perfect because there is no such thing as a perfect kid or adult for that matter).
My husband and I have been married for 10 years (11 this March). I will never portray that we have the perfect marriage because we don’t. In fact, the first 5 years were extremely rough. But we got through it, and although we fight every now and then, and we are completely opposite of one another, we make it work and we love each other. I don’t know if I believe in the theory that “opposites attract”, in fact many days I wish he were more like me – wanting to try new things, etc. but he is content with living the average life of working to pay bills and trying to have a little extra to spend on whatever. He works hard, he does the grocery shopping and he cooks a lot of the time. He is a good man and a good father. Then I have my days where I wish I could be content like that – being happy with exactly what it is we already have but sadly I am not – which I will get to shortly.
My health – I can’t say I am an unhealthy person. I eat right, I go through spurts of exercise routines, and I get a ton of exercise going up and down my stairs a hundred times a day. I do have high blood pressure and have been taking meds for that for YEARS, and I have had five surgeries – two which have been on my back – I am literally built with titanium! But I do not let that hold me back from much. I probably lift things and do things I should not be doing, but I refuse to act like I am 90 with back problems. I let years and years of suffering get me all depressed, the nerve pain was so bad I wanted to CUT my leg off. But as with everything else in my life, I got it fixed and got through it. I think the majority of the world has some sort of health issue and we just gotta deal with it and not let it get the best of us.
WORK!!! Oh where to start. I have had many jobs since I first started working at the age of 15. I did a paper route with my brother, was a waitress, did some misc. office jobs, was a nursing assistant for awhile, went to school for real estate but didn’t study hard enough for the test and failed it, but I didn’t try again because at the time I found a job I really enjoyed and ended up staying there for a few years. I went to Cosmetology school and did hair on and off for about 5 years but for some ODD reason my hands started itching. It was like sticking them in fiberglass when I touched someones hair. I wore gloves for a year (NOT FUN) and I decided it was time to give it up. My dream of owning my own salon and spa went down the drain. What to do next. I decided to go back to school online. I got my AS degree in Marketing and Management and my BA degree in an Individualized Degree (this was awesome because ALL my college credits from before transferred in and I was able to take classes that really interested me. While I was finishing my BA I was a staffing specialist for a staffing agency (loved the job but management NOT SO MUCH). Because of that job, I decided to have my focus area be in Human Resources. The one class I was short of an actual HR degree was Algebra. Never got it, and never will. But I am really good with numbers (weird huh). I can do statistics, economics, accounting, just not ALGEBRA. I blame my 9th grade teacher who was very mean and would never re-explain things. Anyway, when I left the staffing agency, I was also working PT for my brothers trucking company doing billing and general office stuff. I also started working for the local school district as a Para (providing one on one assistance to students with emotional, behavioral and psychical disabilities). I liked that job too but since it was not what I was going to school for and things started getting to be too much with going to school FT online and 2 jobs, I decided to quit. I had plans to move when I completed my Degree but my husband and kids did not want to and they wanted me full time at the trucking company so I did that. Long story short I was there over 8 years, the company grew fast, working with family became even more stressful and I had to make a choice to either leave or risk my health and ruining my close relationship with my family. There were many family members working there. At the end of August 2013 I chose to leave sadly. Working for family is HARD STUFF!!
Six months ago till now…. What a whirlwind. I thought for sure with all my experience and education I would be able to get SOME type of job for reasonable pay. WRONG!!! I don’t know why I thought that – after all, I have lived here most of my life and know how it is. I went through 3 months of MAJOR depression. Crying everyday and feeling worthless. I have applied at over 80 companies and spent countless hours doing cover letters, tweaking my resume and filling out online apps. It is a wee bit FRUSTRATING to have experience and education and probably a better work ethic than many and not be able to get even a simple general office job. Because there was no way in heck I could just sit around and just look for work for someone else, I decided to start my own business. I found some hobbies of crafting and decided to start selling my stuff online. My friend does it and is very successful. It is going pretty good but it is a competitive market out there. I am pretty proud of what I have accomplished so far, but it is still not bringing home the bacon like I need it to and it is A LOT of work. The good thing about it is that I enjoy it. I don’t necessarily enjoy 15+ hour days but I am my own boss, the entrepreneur I believed I was always meant to be. No I don’t know if this is what I was meant to do or not, but I am going for it and I will find my niche sooner or later. In all honestly my passion is helping others, whether that be finding a job, making them feel confident about themselves, maybe hooking them up with someone else etc. Making others feel happy is what makes me happy. It is such a great feeling knowing you made a difference to someone. Even if it is the smallest thing. It makes my whole day when someone buys something from me and I get an email saying how much they love it. Awesome – Awesome – Awesome.
Many people call me crazy – not because they think I am really “insane” but because I am always going, going, going… I can’t slow down. And when I try to slow down I get lazy and I don’t like it. My head is over flowing with so many things, so many ideas, so many thoughts, I wish I had an external hard drive to plug into so I could I could put it all in there and get back to it when I am finished with the countless other things I have to be doing at all times. Ha ha But I am me, and I am proud of all the experience I have gained over the years. Some people might look at the variety of jobs I have had negatively. To me, it has made me WELL-ROUNDED. As the saying goes “I am a Jack of all Trades and Master of None”. But that is ok with me. Because I would rather know a little about a lot of things then a lot about one thing. I am a life-long learner and plan to learn as much as my brain can handle. I am going to LIVE LIFE to its fullest potential!! Well as full as I can living where I am unless I can convince my family to all move south with me 🙂 I DO NOT LOVE THESE LONG COLD WINTERS.
Have a great day – stay POSITIVE and thanks for reading my lengthy post.