Friday Night Funny!!

Frank Feldman

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman….he’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. And he could fix anything. Not like me-I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measures up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: ” An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well…I never actually met Frank. He died, and I married his wife.”

Thought this was pretty funny. Had to share. Enjoy your evenings!

Rebeca~

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Saturday Silly

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed :-

“Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies”. God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home ….. picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills.

He drove to the electricity company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home which he had to sort out in a gentle ‘motherly’ fashion. He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and was able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing.

By then it was 4:30 pm, so he began peeling potatoes and washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and
fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for an early dinner.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although his chores weren’t finished for the day, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he
managed to get through without complaining. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said…

“Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, O please, let us trade back!” The Lord,
in his infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to
wait 9 months though, because you got pregnant last night!!!”

Enjoy your day and laugh alot!!

Rebeca~

Friday Funny!!!

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates.

They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”

The last guy replies,

“I would like to hear them say… LOOK!!! HE’S MOVING!!!!!”

Have a wonderful fun-filled weekend all. Enjoy some good laughs with friends!

Rebeca~

Way to keep healthy level of insanity in the workplace

1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.

Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in “Palmolive.”

4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

7. Determine how many cups of coffee are “too many.”

8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”

10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep ’em tuned up.”

12. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think?”

13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a Parakeet.

14. Sit in the parking lot at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles”.

Laugh and Have a great Thursday all!!!

Rebeca~

A Saturday Silly!!!

A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from

an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the

donkey the next day.

The next day, Ben drove up and said, “Sorry, but I have some bad news.

The donkey died.”

“Well, then, just give me the money back,” said Jean Paul

“Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Replied Ben

“OK, then. Just unload the donkey,” said Jean Paul.

“What ya going to do with him?” asked Ben.

“I’m going to raffle him off,” said Jean Paul.

“You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” uttered Ben.

“Sure can. Watch me. I just won’t tell that he’s dead,” said Jean Paul.

A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, “What happened

with that dead donkey?”

“I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece

and made a profit of $898,” said Jean Paul.

“Didn’t anyone complain?” inquired Ben.

“Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,” said Jean Paul.

Hope you got a laugh out of this one 🙂

Happy Saturday.

Rebeca~

The Winter Boots

Although my babies are now grown and can fend for themselves for the most part – this sure brought back alot of memories for me – ha ha!

The Winter Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this)

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said,

‘Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.’ She looked, and sure enough, they were.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced,

‘These aren’t my boots.’ She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’

Like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,

‘They’re my brother’s boots. But my Mom made me wear ’em today.’ Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked,

‘Now, where are your mittens?’ He said,

‘I stuffed ’em in the toes of my boots.’

She’ll be eligible for parole in three years.

 

Lesson – Just when you think things are bad – they could be worse 🙂

Thanks for Reading – enjoy your evening.

Rebeca~

 

 

A little silly!!!

Answering the phone, the priest was surprised to hear the caller introduce herself as an IRS auditor.

“But we do not pay taxes,” the priest said. “It isn’t you, Father, it’s one of your parishioner, Sean McCullough. He indicates on his tax return that he gave a donation of

$15,000 to the church last year. Is this, in fact, the truth?”

The priest smiled broadly. “The check hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m sure I’ll have it when I remind dear Sean.”